Happy Valentine’s Day! I usually loathe “the day of love” but this year somewhat threw me for a loop. I still have yet to sort my own feelings out about it all, but I guess some things you can only pray about and have faith a reasonable conclusion will come about. Nonetheless I tried to make the best of the day. I tried my best not to sulk, be depressed, or beat myself up about failed friendships and foiled romantic relationships. I did decide though, to do something for myself! Which was cook Valentine’s Day dinner (: I’m not big on cooking; mainly cause I’m used to letting my Mom handle that. But I did want to prove to myself I can do it.. I should stop being lazy and give my Mom a break in the kitchen at least once a week. We shall see. Anyhow, the menu consisted of Lemon pepper baked fish and Mexican baked potatoes. Basically a “mexican” baked potatoe is baked potatoe halves with seasoned beef, sprinkled on top with yummy bacon bits and melted cheese. Everyone loved it, and I must say I am proud of myself. Somehow though I lost focus of the real reason I cooked the dinner..and ended up a a tad bit sad and disappointed.

I somehow found myself inviting folks over for dinner. This guy I had been interested in for awhile (who somewhat led me on a wild and unfruitful goose chase) was invited. Just the process of inviting him turned into something nasty and I get one more scar to add to the many on my heart. *sighs*

One thing that did indeed go as to planned was a nice girls chat with my bestie, Erika. I had got her a valentine’s day present and offering her dinner seemed to be a nice gesture also. After all we are both single & miserable. She loved the gift and enjoyed the food so I am very glad of that (: I love giving gifts! Especially when the person doesn’t see it coming.

On another note, either everyone is adopting a concious or love is in the air. I’ve gotten quite a few unexpected and surprise calls and texts from old flames and past experiences. One of the biggest surprises (which was a good surprise) being Laythan! *gasp* yeah, totally unbelievable right?!?? Still now even I can’t get over the shock.

Since the very abrupt and miscommunicated breakup in December, I haven’t talked to Laythan (or Mr. Intellegent as Dominique likes to refer to him…she always giving somebody a nickname lol). The whole thing was a mess due to lack of communication and we ended with lots of unanswered questions. Sure I was hurt and mad at the time and did my best to clean my own mess up afterward, but the fact still remained the milk was spilled and there was no getting it back…so I thougt until last night.

Laythan text me out of the blue. That long txt convo turned into a much needed converstaion. Granted, I wish this conversation took place two months ago..but better now than never. In short, he was a man and wasn’t afraid to admit that he made mistakes. In fact he’s actually payed attention to me and the relationship from the start..lack of communication and verbal affection will surely kill any relationship though and that’s basically what happened. Now that we’ve all figured the error of our ways..he’s willing to seriously make it work and last this time around. (I’m sorry what did you say? I can’t focus over the sound of how sexy you are. *melts* Focus Tamara, focus!) I’m in agreemen with everything he’s saying but right now I just have to figure out what I want. I’m torn between the idea of a relationship, something I’ve always wanted, and just taking out much needed time to be single. As much as I hate being single, sometimes it’s what’s good for me. Like vegetables, or medicine (always horrible, but makes you better in the end.) With that being said, somewhat of a date was set up. A nice visit and dinner at my place (: Unfortunately, that didn’t go as planned and he couldn’t make it. I totally understand, after all he’s not my boyfriend or husband and he’s not obligated to keep any promises, but I will admit I was a minute bit disappointed. ): and now all the great memories I have of him are coming back to the front of my brain and I realized something I’d been trying to beat down for the last couple months- I miss him. *epic sigh*

Anyhow, in the words of Jersey Shore, this is a “situation”. I still don’t know what to do about Bunny cause he’s kinda clueless, but he definitely isn’t stupid. He knows what it takes to get me back and just isn’t moving fast enough (which annoys me because he has the means to). Ugh! I’m just glad i haven’t lost my ability to love in the shuffle of things. I honestly don’t know how I keep giving pieces of myself and seem to regenerate ones in it’s place. In general, I’m afraid.

Well, I hope all of you had a lovely Vday wether it was shared with your lover, friend or family member (: Peace!